if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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