I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
