When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
