took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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