"it" just moved
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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