I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
