and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
