i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
