He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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