I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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