i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bring me that man meat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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