you guys were way drunker than both of me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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