i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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