I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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