hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize