his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
