I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
