ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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