you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
