I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
