It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
