just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
