you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
