I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
