phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
