saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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