I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
