I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
