I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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