He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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