WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
