I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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