she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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