on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
