i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
