uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
