i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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