she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
