Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
