SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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