he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
