Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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