My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
