Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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