I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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