You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
