I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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