To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
