xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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