I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
