My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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