I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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