I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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