shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
