you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize