weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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