It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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