help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
