I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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