You made me cry and you don't even care
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
