Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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