that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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