just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
