i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
