I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
