what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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