Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
