How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You pole danced in your parka.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
